Trwyn Tal retreat

Recharge, refocus, relax

Recharge, refocus, relax in the Welsh mountains

When you’re too worried to think straight

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One of the arsey things about worrying is that you can feel too panicked to think straight: You’re imagining an unpleasant result in the future, and thinking about that sends you into a spin in the present. Coming up with a solution feels unreasonably hard, that feeds your worry too and – urgh.

Here’s a set of questions that lead you from your worried state into a clearer understanding of the problem that’s bugging you, and then helps you equip yourself and suss out steps you can take.

So. Next time you’re feeling worried, grab this set of questions and answer them one by one. I use them often, in all kinds of different situations, and I always find them helpful. Don’t take my word for it though – try them out for yourself!
 

  • What exactly are you worried about?
  • How long have you been worrying about it?
  • What started you worrying?
  • Who caused this worry?
  • Who is responsible for addressing it?
  • What’s your worst experience of this worry?
  • Why haven’t you stopped worrying yet?

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  • What do you want to happen instead?
  • How will you know when you’ve got that?
  • What else will improve when you get it?
  • What resources do you already have which can help you achieve this?
  • What is something similar which you did succeed in doing?
  • What is your next step?

 
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These questions are based on an original set by international Trainer and Coach, Ian McDermott: Highly recommended!

Help! Everything’s Urgent!

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Have you ever had a day where everything feels like it’s urgent? Maybe a whole load of days? You’re not sure where to focus next, it’s full on, maybe you’re stressed and your brain has about as much clarity as a bowl of custard.

Too many of those kind of days can knock your balance for six and leave you in a permanent semi-frazzled state.  In your frazzled state, little things feel big, big things feel huge, and everything feels urgent. Does that sound familiar?

What’s the antidote? The antidote to everything feeling urgent is NOT working harder or working more hours – that would be doing more of what’s not working: Do too much of that and you discover a neat vicious circle of ever decreasing energy, effectiveness and belief in yourself.

The antidote to everything feeling urgent is not working harder. What is it then? The antidote to everything feeling urgent is to do what’s most important. “Aha!” you say. “This is where you suggest that I prioritise and do the most important stuff first.”

Nope, that is indeed a sensible and common answer, but for most people it’s not the whole story either. After all, when one has custard for brains, it can be hard to see what’s most important, and even if it does come clear, one then handles the important thing in a frazzled, custardy state. Messy.

What’s important is not day to day stuff, it’s the reason why you do the day to day stuff and it’s what enables you to do the day to day stuff. Let’s focus on the enabling stuff today, and make it as simple and practical as possible. Do you know what helps you be at your best? Try these questions out:

  •  What sets you up for the day?
  • What gets you thinking more clearly, more resourcefully?
  • What helps you get perspective on a situation?
  • What helps you feel more balanced, connected, grounded?
  • What makes you smile?

If you make sure your days includes the Important Thing (or things) that you just named above, you will equip yourself to deal with the urgency, the pressure and the stuff you love that keeps you busy. Instead of struggling bravely on, you set yourself up to respond resourcefully.

But what often happens instead? There’s something more pressing, and your Important stuff is treated as if it was a luxury that can be dropped. Nooooooooo!!!!! How hard do you want to make your day?! Protect that important thing! Make it feel urgent if that helps, remind yourself how much you get from it, how much more you can give during your day if you do that Important Thing that takes care of your self.

Doing your Important Thing sets you up to succeed. It works as an instant pick-me-up, and it works even better as a habit: If you do your Important Thing every day (OK, most days), you start to improve the quality of your life and your balance.

Important Gazing In Progress

You’ll know you’ve found your own Important Thing, when you notice your thoughts untangle, your worries either evaporate or become natural stuff that you can address, you easily make connections that help you, ideas and actions flow. It suddenly feels like there’s enough time for you to do what you need. Walking and gazing at mountains does this for me. What does it for you?

It’s your choice, and if you’re human it’s likely you will revert to thinking that urgent “doing” is more important than sorting out how you “are” some times. To be honest, I did that for a lot of this week and that’s what’s reminded me to write this blog (once I’d been out for a walk…)

So, treat your well being as the most important job. The rest is then much easier, and rather more fun too.

Good luck!

Related articles:

Work-Life Balance – Yes please! How?

Work… and life – More life in work-life please

The nature of balance – How do I create a balance?

How to use fear well – Getting unstuck

Inspiration for work-life balance – yep, does what it says on the tin

What’s most important to you? – How to make decisions more easily

Moving towards work-life balance – Respect for little steps

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More to… life balance

Holidays to help you restore your balance

Balance: Enjoy the Moments

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The other morning I popped outside for a walk, went 20 paces to the top of my road and promptly sprinted back home. Why? I legged it back for the camera, to enjoy this:

Drooling over a lovely sunrise

 

Fell in love with this tree & the sun rising behind it

 

Pure magic

 

Same tree, same time, different perspective… Oooh!

 

Still the same tree, same time, another perspective. Oooooh!

Those moments were brief, but ooooh so brilliant! It was totally, stunningly beautiful – the light was mesmerising, the crisp air so packed with excitement. Being aware that the conditions were temporary, bound to change, was actually part of what made the experience so magic. My focus was 100% on enjoying them to the full. And you can guess what I remember most vividly from that day!

Tip #12 Enjoy the moments

Life balance is naturally fluid, made of moments in balance, and moments adjusting or recovering your balance. Grabbing hold of these moments does not make for better balance, it just stops the flow and frankly, is rather hard work.

Sometimes the magic moments are there, but we don’t pause to enjoy them in full. Simply pausing to savour them can change the balance of our day.

You create your life balance, moment by moment. So, wherever you’re at right now, enjoy those moments!

Clear path ahead, looking beautiful

Interested in work life balance? Here’s the series so far:

Work-Life Balance – Yes please! How?

Work… and life – More life in work-life please

The nature of balance – How do I create a balance?

How to use fear well – Getting unstuck

Inspiration for work-life balance – yep, does what it says on the tin

What’s most important to you? – How to make decisions more easily

Moving towards work-life balance – Respect for little steps

More soon!

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More to… work life balance

Holidays to help you restore your balance

Moving towards work-life balance

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Mountain or mole hill? Your work life balance could be just a tiny step away – or it could feel like you’ve got a bit of a mountain to climb.

Today is about imagining what it might be like as you find your steps towards work-life balance. We’ll go with the mountain metaphor… And if your mountain turns out to be more of a cuddly little molehill, that’s just fine because you will simply ace your way up and be slightly surprised to have got where you wanted so easily. That’d be OK, wouldn’t it?!

1. I want to do that!
First and foremost, you’re only doing this if you want to. And almost certainly you’re doing it because you believe it will make your life more enjoyable.

2. But I don’t know how 🙁
Then you can learn and practise. What is it that you’d need to learn? Get equipped. Choose who you trust to help you.

Equip yourself with what you need

3. It’s a long way!
That may be true, or it may just feel like that. Either way, focus on the ground under your feet and take the next step little step that’s possible. Little steps are easier.

4. But that step’s too little to make a difference!
Hmm. A little respect for little steps please! Aim towards what you want, persist with those little steps and they sure will make a difference. It’s persistence that gets you to where you want to be, and you need every single little step to get you there.

Photo - John Biggar
Small steps and persistence

5. I think I might have gone the wrong way
The quicker you notice, the better! Some steps involve checking out a direction and finding it doesn’t pan out. Step back and use what you’ve discovered to choose a better route.

6. Have you taken a break yet?
If not, take a breather. You’ll make better decisions if you take good care of yourself, that’s part of your balance. Look back at how far you’ve already come – WOWOWOW! That’s where your little steps have already got you. Keep going!

Take a breather, how are you doing?

7. I’ve got to make a big decision
Some steps are more decisive, they feel riskier because if you take them, you are committing to something new. Either you go for it, or you don’t. You can prepare yourself first – check what you need, make sure you’ve got that in place, focus on where you want to get to, then commit.

Bob focusing on steping over the crevasse… not into it

8. I’m still not there!
Yep, back to those persistent little steps again. Off you go.

Big Mountain: Little steps

9. How am I doing?
Time for another break to recharge, they’re that important. Now look where you are – WOWOWOWOWOW! More little steps, you’ve got those sussed now.

10. I’m there! Now what?
Once you’ve completed what you set out to do, the excitement continues. You made it happen – and if you can do that, what else can you do? Enjoy where you’re at, and maintain your balance by looking after yourself, checking how you’re doing, taking little steps and taking breathers to recharge.

If you can do this, what else can you do?

As you probably guessed, these photos and comments reflect a true story, both on the mountain (Andes First Ascents Expedition, 2005), working with people on work-life balance, and founding More to… 🙂

There’s way more to your enjoyment of powerful, positive experiences than the wonderful memories. These experiences also provide parallels that help you explore and address situations. The metaphorical bit is a powerful ally alongside your rational, logical thinking. So my tip for today is:

Tip #11 Use your powerful, positive past experiences for insights, parallels, metaphors and encouragement to help your work-life balance.

More to… work life balance

Holidays to help you restore your balance

Photos by Sarah Maliphant from Andes First Ascents, June 2005
Small Steps  & Persistence photo by John Biggar, Andes Expeditions